Ooo la la my love. This time of year has me practicing like my hair is on fire.
I love it. And I love to share it.
So sit your gorgeous booty down with a cozy cuppa. Take a couple slow deep breaths and check this out:
“Autonomic listening is inextricably linked with the need for self-compassion. Self compassion is an emergent property of the ventral vagal system. (This is when we’re feeling centered and connected). Survival states automatically activate self-criticism, so when we move out of safety and connection into a state of protection, we lose the capacity for self-compassion. With the ability to recognize a moment of distress and notice the autonomic state, we move into a moment of awareness instead of simply being swept deeper into dysregulation.” –Deb Dana, ANCHORED
Holy shit— Right!?! I love a good science based breakdown. You’re not doing it wrong. This just happens. To everyone.
AND… there are tools you can use to help you return to yourself. Or at least, not sink deeper into the shit show. Oh sweet Jesus— thank you!
Now comes the part where you get to play along.
We can use language to move from self criticism to self compassion. Our bodies are listening. Always.
The three phrases Deb Dana uses to sooth her disconnected self are:
- My nervous System is in a survival response.
- Moments of protection happen for everyone.
- May I bring some ventral vagal energy to this moment.
The encouragement however is to find your own words. Put your hand over your heart. Feel the warmth of your own touch. Breathe. The first statement acknowledges that you have disconnected from yourself. The second statement recognizes that this is a universal experience. You are not alone. The third statement allows you to reconnect with yourself.
Here are mine:
- Hello love. I see you’re in survival mode.
- It’s ok. This a natural human experience.
- I see you. I love you. This too is welcome here.
- Hey babe, this is fucking shit show.
- It’s ok. This shit happens sometimes. To everyone.
- I see you. This shit’s got nothin’ on you. You rock.
So many possibilities.
What are your words? Go ahead. Hand on heart. Close your eyes. You’ll know you’ve found the words when you feel your body soften… even the smallest bit. Your eyes moisten.
I love ya boo.