I have a personal sharing today. A sharing about accepting all parts of ourselves, even the ones that are conflicting. And the magic that follows.
Last week my teenage son was caught in a moment of anxiety, anger, and sadness (depression). This moment was lingering beyond my comfort zone. Fear and conditioning were creeping in. My mind raced to figure things out. Find a solution. Was it something he’d done wrong? Or was doing wrong?
That’s my old story: if something goes wrong, it’s my fault.
There was another part of me who knew placing blame isn’t useful. Who knows my son is capable and strong. Who knows that moments like these can offer wonderful opportunity and clarity. Who knows that moments like these are the launching pad for our desires.
And so these two parts of me, worry and knowing, were in a deathmatch, for only one could be true. My brain spun between the two, entertaining terrible made-up scenarios all evening, into the early morning hours of the next day.
Then, in the morning, I did the best thing one could ever do when in a deathmatch with oneself: I took a walk on the beach. I shifted the focus of my attention for just a little bit. It wasn’t the most profound, beautiful, insightful walk. It was just something different.
The magic happened when I got home. As I was getting out of the car, a small voice said:
Of course, you’re worried and you want to fix it! You’re his Mama. Of course, your old conditioning got triggered. That’s what happens! Of course, he’s strong and smart and beautiful and wise enough to be with uncomfortable things (and not make himself wrong)! Of course! It’s all true.
It’s all good.
And with those words, calm and clarity returned. To me, that’s the magic of allowing all parts of ourselves. It’s tiny and huge at the same time.
And my son, it turns out he had the flu and was running low on resources, with a dose of FOMO. His insight: “I think social media kinda makes my anxiety worse.” Yep. He’s got this.
How about you? Are there any conflicting parts of you who could use some love today?
If so, share it in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!
P.S. As I reread this, it occurs to me that the concept of “wrong” is a misunderstanding. There is no wrong, only opportunity…to make new choices, to get clarity, to better understand what it is I do want.