Ooo la la! I am filled with so much and empty at the same time, after a retreat into silence. In my home. WIth people and a cat about.
Empty of needing to do something to enliven or perfect myself. (That includes being a better meditator!)
And yet, doing is so very satisfying at times. Also the dishes need to get done. A clean kitchen soothes my soul.
So it becomes about discernment. Not the what I am doing, but how am I doing it? How am I being with myself. What’s alive in this moment? What is this being needing? Am I hiding? And if I’m hiding, can that be ok? Can I hold hands with the one who feels the need to hide?
And remembering. Remembering that I am already whole. Nothing needs to be fixed or changed. I am already joy and generosity and fun. Sometimes I forget.
And sometimes I forget that it’s ok to shine too. It feels good. It feels fucking amazing actually. When I drop the stories and shame and layers of nonsense and lies that keep me in a flat, two dimensional form. A form defined by good and bad.
Oh my love, so much is possible. You are loved. My wish today is that with the next breath you take, you let a little bit of this love in. A little bit more space and kindness for your whole breathtaking self.
Happy 2021! Good things are coming. Good things are here.
A Christmas day walk on the beach with two of my guys. The rest of my family I carried in my heart. It was a very good day.