Love Letters

A little bit of love

Hey boo.

How about this— Nothing special = Freedom.

Nothing special could also be not smart enough.

Or I should be (more or less) ______ fill in the blank. Another form of not enough.

The forms of not enough are as infinite as your imagination. And fear.

Fear?

Yep. Fear. The trap that keeps us locked into small lives. Believing stories of nothing special and not enough.

Here’s the magic. You don’t have to change a thing. Those voices can (and may) blather on about how you’re not special. But once you’re onto them. Paying attention. Getting curious. Noticing how they rule your life. They start to loose their power.

I read something amazing recently:

“Anxiety is the fear of fear— the dread of an experience I won’t be able to stand”

Cheri Huber, The Fear Book

So basically, I’m not afraid of being nothing special – I’m afraid of the feelings that (false) narrative conjures.

“For many of us, this notion is revolutionary. We were taught that feelings are something to get through, get over with, get away from, or deny. Most feelings are unsettling. So, to make peace with your feelings, imagine that you are simply going to exist with them.. You don’t have to worry about them, or control them, you don’t even have to take them personally! All you have to do is let the feelings be— and if you stay with it, before long, they will let you just be.”

Cheri Huber, The Fear Book

You can talk to your fear. Hello. It’s ok to be scared. I’m here with you. I’ll stay with you the whole way. Baby steps my love. Being with is not the same as believing fear/ Nor is it allowing fear to run the show.

Nothing Special. Who do you think you are? Is what’s coming up for me right now, as I step out of the(safe) box I’ve created for my life up to now. And, it’s a good life. A beautiful life. And something more is calling me. New. Expansive. Creative. Alive. Yep, my old space has become a box. It used to feel spacious and exciting. But not anymore. No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise.

And I’m scared. Of failing. Of looking foolish. Of disappointing people I love. Of losing everything, ending up on the street and dying cold and alone.

So, nothing special. Yeah. Ok. Maybe. I’m still going to step out of my box. I don’t need to be special (I mean seriously, who decides this anyway???).

I’ll just be me. I’ll just be free. There’s no avoiding death. And I don’t wanna avoid life.

Who’s with me?

I love you.

Xo

Photo by Antonio Dillard from Pexels

2 thoughts on “A little bit of love

  1. I’m with you! I am all in. And Letting the fearful stories be welcomed is hard sometimes. I use my journal. Or a breath and body check in. Or a BK worksheet. Or I ask a friend to be with me as I look. Sometimes I just end up in tears or in panic or laying awake in bed praying for sleep. And that’s ok. All that’s ok. I don’t need to ace it all the time. Aahhh.
    I wonder how others stay in witness to their big feelings?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing. “And that’s ok. All that’s ok….” I can feel the relief. Literally. This sharing of your relief and process brought more softness to me. Helped me to remember, more. What a gift we can be to each other!

      What a beautiful reminder that you matter (I matter). Sharing yourself in what can seem like a small way, can make a big impact. Helping another to remember. Love!

      Like

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